Divorce. Such a prevalent disaster in our culture. Such a terrible ending to many times, a beautiful and loving beginning. I doubt anyone who walks down that aisle on their wedding day suspects she will end up walking down the aisle in divorce court somewhere down the road. Our dreams for the Cleaver Family experience is blown to bits!
Yes, I know this scenario all too well. However, I am here to tell you that reinventing yourself, your family and your life is possible! For many, including myself, identifying with your husband becomes part of ourselves. It is still amazing to me when I ask another woman, “what does your husband do?” I heard the result of a Harvard Study many moons ago, which was taken over a long period of time. This study was about divorce and indications of why so many couples were ending their marriages this way. In the study, one of the main basic needs of a woman is to have a husband who is successful in his chosen career. I still remember that affecting me after I learned this fact. It is so nice when we, as women, identify with our feminine power and from our loving souls and realize we do not need validation through our husband’s success, or to compare ourselves to one another.
The reinvention process is hard to do, especially after you have built a life with another individual. It is especially difficult if you have any children involved as well.
If you are recently going through the ending of a marriage or other important relationship, you will be forced to experience the grieving process, much like when a person dies of this life.
It is particularly difficult to reinvent yourself if you have been a homemaker during your marriage. I found this incredibly challenging. For several years, I still identified myself with my husband and the life we shared. As long as I lived in my past life with my ex-husband, I could not look forward to the possibilities for my own life. I lived in the shadow of my marriage for about a decade. I highly recommend NOT doing this to yourself!!
The following are some tips to get you started reinventing yourself:
1. If you have been a stay at home mother, can you start to use your imagination to brainstorm areas of interest for yourself? Can you see yourself as a career woman, an artist, teacher, writer, yoga instructor? The sky is the limit!! Write your ideas down. If you recognize a voice telling you, “you can’t do that”, “you aren’t educated enough for that”, “who is going to hire you”.. etc. Just notice this voice creating fear in you of starting something new. I have much more writings on this subject and the inner workings of the brain, but for now, just move on from that personal Censor trying to keep you stuck. Allow yourself to be creative in this imagining process. Feel the feelings of what it would be like to have the life you desire. Create the details of this new life.
2. Now, use your intuition to help guide you to the next step in your evolution into your next phase of life. Imagine yourself already achieving your desired life. What does that look like? Do you remember what you’ve dreamed of for yourself – maybe even years ago? It is imperative to use your personal guidance system, built inside you, to navigate these uncharted waters. Sit quietly in a meditative space. Envision each direction you are thinking is a possibility for you in your “what’s next”. Pay close attention to how your body is communicating with you in each scenario. If you feel a bit of tightness in your chest, or a closing in feeling on your body, then your intuition is alerting you that it is not the best direction for you. If you feel a bit of excitement, joy and expansion in your body, then that is exactly the direction your intuition is guiding you! It truly is amazing to get in touch with our own compass when in the decision making process! Trust your gut! Your body doesn’t lie and when we use our own compass – intuition- we are never steered wrong!
3. Do you remember a time when you had activities you wanted to try? Not talking about career here, but for your soul’s enrichment. Did you ever dream of taking a pottery class? Ballroom dance lessons? Singing lessons? Play a musical instrument? Travel to some amazing destination? Learn a foreign language? Write poetry? Volunteer at a homeless shelter? Learn interior design? Truly – the sky is the limit on ways to enrich your experience. The point here is to do something that makes you feel good. There is no other purpose in this part. By feeling better, you will begin to reach for more things that make you feel even better. I challenge you to try something, anything that can bring joy back into your life.
If you are ready to truly reinvent yourself and need more tips on doing so, please contact me: http://theresavigarino.com/contact/
The above are 3 simple steps to begin reinventing yourself after the divorce. You will gain confidence, learn new things, and begin to experience joy and happiness once again. At first, you may not want to try something new. At first you may want to stay in the loss, the grief, the sorrow. And, we must allow for that experience as well. However, there does come a time when a girl has to pull herself up by her bootstraps and begin living again. By doing this several wonderful things will happen:
Ø You start forward thinking rather than living in the past.
Ø You begin to believe that good days, free from pain, are possible.
Ø Your energy shifts to more positivity, which expands all around you – your children will love this!
Ø You will have more physical energy as you begin to feel happier, thus, pulling yourself out of despair and depression.
Ø You will start to feel ALIVE again, full of possibilities, promise and purpose!
Ø You will eventually believe in good things, a happy life, a possible partner in the future, and that the world is your oyster again!
I know some will say, it is going to take much more than doing these things to get past a divorce. That is true. However, by taking these few small steps, I can promise you that your mind will clear of the clutter, you begin to have a new perspective about your life and by enriching yourself, will have much more to give to your children.
I challenge you to give something, anything a try. You may find the things you did before do not light you up any longer. You may find you have changed dramatically following your divorce. A new you might just be trying to emerge. Find this new you… live this new you… enjoy this new you… I dare you!