I was asked by a friend and colleague to write up a list of what I think are must have’s in a healthy, loving relationship. This is what came to mind as I reflected on the many broken relationships and marriages I endured, and what was missing. Then, I reflected on my relationship with my Victor, and miraculously, we have all these things. I believe this is a good place to start!
Emotional healing/awareness: This is so vitally important to any relationship! You must be aware of your own emotions and have awareness of what you are feeling! This prevents projection, blaming, shaming and so many other problems that can occur if a partner is not on the path to heal emotionally!
Spiritual evolution/enlightenment: We are on this journey for a reason. We all have a tapping on the shoulder and a nudging on our hearts that are reminding us we are spiritual beings. We are on a journey to enlighten. When you share this with someone who believes this, what a beautiful experience you will have as your learn, grow, evolve and enlighten together! The Aha’s, the revelations, the synchronicities, the synergy you build together, is nothing short of Miraculous!
Neuroscience of changing the brain: Knowing what your personal brain patterns are, for the good, the bad and the ugly, is vital in changing yourself! Transformation begins in knowing how your own mind operates. Whether it is a bad habit you are trying to omit from your life, or you are trying to instill a new, positive habit, the work is understanding how the mind works. This brain of ours is a true wonder! Something to delight in knowing better!
Physical chemistry: When my Victor walks through the door, my heart skips a beat and an excitement gathers in my stomach. Even after years together, it is still there! I am attracted to his physicality. His eyes, his physique, his appearance, whether he is in his pj’s, climbing gear (oh baby!), or a business suit (oh baby, baby!). And, he feels the same for me. It is a comfort in knowing that if I’m having a bad hair day, or I’ve gained a few menopausal (ouch) pounds, his attraction to me is the same! Trust me, you really, really want this chemistry!
Sexual connection: Let’s face it, sexual connection is a MUST in an intimate relationship! Without the passion between two people and connecting in a deep, physical way, it is much like living with a roommate. And, who wants their romantic partner as their platonic roommate? This chemistry can also be brought back if it has waned over time. Remember the passion you once shared and recall it to your memory! And, well, there’s always practice! Practice makes perfect, after all!
Desire for deeper intimacy: Intimacy is not the same thing as physical chemistry or sexual connection. Intimacy is in sharing yourself, from a deep, emotional place. The part of you that has been hidden from others. The Secret You, that rarely gets seen. The you that is afraid of rejection, so stays small and plays inside your own heart. When you are with a partner, where you feel completely safe, you can allow yourself to be intimate in such a way, with honesty and vulnerability, that the closeness you feel becomes the foundation for your relationship. Build this part of your life!!
Similar core values: Having similar core values is an absolute must in building a miraculous relationship! If you don’t have this, you will have trouble. This is the same phrase as, being on the same path. I find it almost impossible to find a miraculous relationship when two people are not on the same page when it comes to core values. It would be like mixing oil and water. They just don’t mix!
Being on the same team: Too often, when couples are stressed with day to day living, they become almost enemies. It’s too sad when couples forget they are on the same team and the bickering becomes the wedge that separates a family. Remember, the partner you pick, is the partner that is on your team! If you have a combative relationship, think about this. Are you combative? Is your partner combative? Who will be the first one to put down the gloves and remind one another that you are teammates?
Having fun together: I am really good at this! :). Having a partner that you can laugh with, goof off with, explore together, is vital to keeping the relationship light! Life is so much better when fun is mixed in! Schedule the fun time with your loved one! If you are single, be sure to pick someone that enjoys some of the activities you do! It is crucial in bonding!
Enjoying similar activities: Just as I mentioned above, you want a relationship where you have similar activities you both enjoy. This is so enriching for the relationship! Pick someone that enjoys trying new things. And, you be that person that will adventure with your mate!
Similar life paths for soul purpose: I love having a soul purpose I can share with my mate. A relationship can live without this, but when I was asked to write my list, this was of extreme significance! I wanted to share my life path and dreams with my life partner and it has turned out to be one of our greatest joys! Find someone that will open up to your ideas about your life path and soul purpose! Maybe it is something you can do together!
Ultimate respect for each other: R-E-S-P-E-C-T! You ABSOLUTELY, must have a relationship where you give and receive respect. This is your beloved, and you are theirs. To be in a relationship that is disrespectful is a travesty to your soul, let alone your self-esteem. Be a partner that is respectful! Be respectable, and demand that in your life, as well.
Amazing communication skills: You’ve got to be able to communicate effectively. This will be the glue through any discussion, argument, problem and joy you will ever experience. You must learn communication skills to reach one another during the times of hurt and wounding, which there will be at some point (hopefully, you pick a partner where that is at a minimal). You want your partner to be your best friend, and with that comes sharing feelings, ideas, thoughts, beliefs and dreams. To be with someone who doesn’t share with you, is akin to hiding your most intimate self. The spirit in you begins to die when that connection is lost. Communication will get you through so much in life’s ups and downs! Learn how your partner communicates and you will be doing yourself a favor. If you are single, then take the time to get to know your partner to discover how you communicate together!
Faith: Last, but certainly not least, is faith that you will have the love you want! When in a relationship, you will need faith to keep going during the difficult times. Faith will build you up when you feel down. Rely on your faith, and your faith will see you through!
Now, this may not be a complete list, but it is certainly a great starting point!